Dear husband,
If I am a vulture, then what I see is stinky dead animals. If I am a hummingbird, then what I find is the nectar. I have let myself become a very negative person and this is not what I want. It’s just like for you, to be a drunkard is not what you want. I have realized that while I want you to find your joy in the Lord Jesus, I fail to do it myself.
I need to be responsible for my own wrongdoings. I am sorry for letting negative feelings grow inside of me. I am sorry for saying go back home (your family’s home). I am so sorry for saying I don’t want to be with you anymore. I am sorry for asking you to stay away from my mom. I am so sorry for repeatedly telling you how much shame you have brought to our family. I am so sorry for telling you everything you do is wrong. I am so sorry for not encouraging you when you get sober but accusing you when you fail. You say you are sorry for not making me feel like the woman I deserve to be. I should say sorry for not making you feel like the man you deserve to be.
Is one letter gonna solve all the problems? No, true repentance is lasting. I need to repent to the Lord, because I too, have a heart problem. If one person needs to take responsibility for his or her own actions, then I need to do it. I’m sorry for not giving you the grace you need to grow. Because my own heart was closed and didn’t let Jesus’s grace come in. I have a heart problem. I need a heart surgery too. And only Jesus can do it.
Love you,
親愛的老公,
如果我是禿鷹,那麼我看到的是動物的死屍。如果我是一隻蜂鳥,那麼我找到的是花蜜。我讓自己變成了一個非常消極負面的人,這不是我想要的。就像對你來說,成為一個酗酒的人並不是你想要的。我意識到,雖然我想讓你在主耶穌裡找到你的喜樂,但我自己卻做不到。
我要為自己的錯誤行為負責。我很抱歉讓負面情緒在我心中滋長。我很抱歉讓你回自己的家去。我很抱歉說我不想再和你在一起了。我很抱歉讓你離我媽媽遠點。我很抱歉一再告訴你你給我們家帶來了多大的羞恥。我很抱歉告訴你你所做的一切都是有問題的。很抱歉,我沒有在你成功不喝酒的時候鼓勵你,卻在你再一次喝酒的時候大加指責。你說你很抱歉沒有讓我覺得自己是一個值得成為的女人。我應該說抱歉我沒有讓你覺得自己是你應該成為的那個人。
一封信就能解決所有問題嗎?不,真正的悔改是持久的。我需要向主懺悔,因為我也有心的問題。如果一個人需要為他或她自己的行為負責,那麼我就需要這樣做。我很抱歉沒有給你成長所需的恩典。因為我自己將自己的心封閉,不讓耶穌的恩典進來。我有心的問題。我也需要做心臟手術。只有耶穌能做到。
愛你的
寧靜